


A Life Unseen

by writtenthroughtime



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 07:46:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5326286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtenthroughtime/pseuds/writtenthroughtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from my blog: What if when Frank accuses Claire of cheating he revealed that he had cheated during the war? Claire runs away to the stones, travels back and then meets Jamie as in the book/show. What do you think she would do differently? Would she still try to get back to 1943? Would she try to escape at the gathering or when Jamie goes to meet Horrocks? Would she fall in love with Jamie faster or slower?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What Doesn't Kill You.....

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I've been bad about adding notes to my stories... so sorry, I'll try to add more notes in the future! All of the stories I post are submissions/prompts from my tumblr blog (same name as on here lovelies). I do accept anonymous prompts if you don't have a tumblr account and wish to submit something. I'll also accept any prompts you may give me on here.

     The chilly Scottish wind was picking up as I wound my way through the streets of Inverness back towards Mrs. Baird’s Bed and Breakfast. Smiling, I hugged the two ocean blue vases to my chest. With Frank’s new position at Oxford I finally will have a place to call home. I can see the vases full of flowers sitting on a table by the door, by a window, and even on the dining room table bringing color and life to our new home.  
Mrs. Baird was not at her post by the front door. Strange, normally she’s there all too willing to delve into the latest gossip or discover what adventures her guests may have undergone while out of her quaint establishment. The closer I got to the room Frank and I shared the louder a humming noise became— vacuuming, that’s what Mrs. Baird must be doing. Another small smile flitted across my face remembering the previous days antics with Frank and Mrs. Baird’s constant vacuuming outside our door.  
     Digging my room key out while juggling the vases shouldn’t have been as hard as it is.  
     “Stupid buttonhole.” I murmured to myself as pulled the key out of the buttonhole it was stuck on and opened the door.  
     “Frank!” I shouted while carefully setting the bag containing the vases down and taking off my hat and coat. “I have a surprise for you, for our soon to be new home.”  
     Grinning I picked up one of the vases and went towards the bedroom door.  
     The elegant vase came crashing to the floor in splinters of ocean blue by my feet. Before my eyes was Frank, my husband, the man that I love, holding another woman—a naked woman, to his lap while she bounced enthusiastically. His head buried in the crook of her neck looked up at the sound of broken glass. A smirk formed on his face while the woman moaned and threw her head back, blonde waves tumbling down her back.  
     “Frank.” My voice an inaudible whisper.  
      My heart was shattering into irreparable shards just like the glass vase on the floor. I quickly pivoted bolting for the door as Frank flipped the girl to her back, continuing an unfaltering rhythm that will haunt me forever.  
     Tears streaming down my face, I ran. Running aimlessly through Inverness and out into the open fields and tree line away from the suffocating town. Unwanted. That was the only word flowing through my mind. I was unwanted. Six years apart was a long time, I never would have dreamed that it would come to this— myself fleeing in nothing but my dress, no job prospects, no home, and no one to turn to.  
     Collapsing next to a rock I shook from the sobs racking my body. My hands were shaking as I pulled off the golden band from my ring finger staring at the once endearing inscription.  
     “Lies!” I screamed and on shaky legs I stood then threw the ring as hard as I could down the hill in the direction of Inverness. Gathering my bearings I took in my surroundings, I was standing on the edge of a mini-henge. It has to be the henge Mr. Crook was speaking of yesterday, Craig na Dun.  
     Wandering from stone to stone, trying to imagine what people once did around these stones. A marketplace? Sacrificial offerings? The possibilities are countless. A humming, buzzing, vibrating type sound came from my left, pulling me towards a large cleft center stone.  
     Could the stone be vibrating?  
     Leaning closer to the stone I reached out to put my hands and ear against the megalith when my world turned upside down. Intense all consuming pain coursing through me, screams ringing in my ears, and then silence and dizziness.

     Stumbling while standing up from the grass I looked back at the stone, menacing cleft and low thrum of vibration unsettling me. Slowly— while still dizzy, I walked down the hill in the direction of the road. Nothing but trees, grass, and rolling hills greeted me —no blacktop or rumbling automobiles to be seen or heard. Circling the hill twice I still could not find signs of a road.  
     An ear-piercing war cry echoed off the hills causing me to jump and sprint for the tree line. Fear consumed me while I was tripping over fallen logs, scraping my arms and legs on briars and burs, but all the while running. Running like I’ve never ran before. The cry bellowed again only it seemed to be getting closer. I turned my head in the direction of the noise. I collided with a barrier then came to a crashing halt on the forrest floor.  
     Frank stood in front of me tall and proud, the same sneering smirk he wore while—  
     “Pardon me madam but you appear to be lost.” My eyes widened, this man had the face and voice of my husband but his manner of speaking was something out of a novel.  
     “What is a pretty thing like you doing so far away from town, hmm? I bet the bawdy house is missing you.” Reaching out with his left hand and began to stroke my hair. I felt myself flinch and turn away. His hand darting over to catch my chin to hold it in place.  
     “I’m not a whore.”  
     “And I’m the King of England.” He laughed, “Now what kind of man would I be to resist an opportunity such as this?”  
     Roughly pinning me to the ground he began bundling my skirts up. Writhing from side to side hoping to break his grip I began screaming.  
     A hand clamped tight over my mouth while the other continued stroking from my knee to lower back. “Shhh. None of that.” His knee dug deeper into my spine eliciting a whimper out of me and a sound of pleasure from the Frank impersonator.  
   “Wonder what noises you’ll make when I actually start to have my fun? Will you scream or beg? Maybe you’ll make that lovely little noise,” another whimper escaped me while he pressed harder on my back and bent my head towards his face, “Ahh, yes that noise. Shall I begin?” He said while rubbing his face against mine. The smell of days old sweat and rotting teeth were strong enough to make me gag.  
     Struggling even harder to escape seemed to entice him further. A stinging sensation erupted from my shoulder. Not wanting to give him satisfaction I tried not to make a sound. Another stinging sensation this time a little lower on my bicep, the smell of blood engulfed me.  
     This lunatic was slicing me open for his own pleasure!  
     Another cut and then another different lengths on different areas of my body—how many would I have to endure before he quit his sadistic games? I could feel blood and the cool steel on my cheek as his hand cupped my chin.  
     A war cry even louder than before pierced the air, a pinching sting on my cheek, then the weight of the sadist removed from me. Pushing off from the ground I took in the appearance of my savior and attacker on the ground beside me, a kilted man and a man dressed in military fatigues of red and gold. A Redcoat.  
     “Oh my dear God, where am I?” I asked in a whisper before everything went black.


	2. Fleeing

     I awoke jostling astride a horse with an unknown captor or savior— I did not know which yet— who reeked of odors too foul to distinguish between. We were heading in a direction that took me away from the stones, for that alone I was grateful.  
     The body behind me was solid and warm rumbling from the deep burr of his voice as he spoke to another kilted man riding alongside us. They spoke in a language I was not fluent in, being in Scotland and the way these two men were dressed, I assume Gaelic is the language they are speaking.  
     “Awake are ye lass?”  
     “Bout time too, we canna keep this slow pace much longer unless you want the lobster backs or MacKenzie’s to find us.”  
     “Aye. Can ye bare to ride at a faster pace till we get to safe grounds?” the man behind me asked.  
     “I- yes. I believe I can handle that.”  
     “A sassenach!” A string of unintelligible words— at least to my ears erupted from the man beside us.  
     “We’re no leavin’ her behind Murtagh! If ye had seen… I said no and that’s the end of it. The lass, sassenach or no, is comin’ wi’ us!” I was taken aback by the man behind me who said these words with such fervency, as if he could not stand to have me taken away. Murtagh glared at his companion.  
     “And just how do ye expect to explain her to yer sister? It is Lallybroch you intend to head for are you no?”  
     “She will be my guest and I’ll have no more word of it being said otherwise. Are ye so heartless ye’d allow a lass to wander the wilderness in no but her shift, Murtagh? What if it were Jenny abandoned, tortured and nearly raped?” I wondered if Jenny were this man’s wife or perhaps my captor’s wife?  
     “Jenny wouldna let her self be tortured or relieved of her clothing.” Murtagh sneered at me as he spoke.  
     “If ye are gonna do this without seeing reason then I canna stop ye.”  
     Murtagh trotted ahead of us shaking his head and muttering exasperatedly to himself as he went.  
     “Dinna mind Murtagh, he may seem gruff and uncaring but he’s a good man.”  
     “Well it’s nice to know at least one of your names.”  
     “Aye well I dinna really have an opportunity to introduce myself between savin’ ye from that mad bastard Captain Randall and ye swooning before my eyes.”  
Randall. My eyes widened, Frank. Could they be related? Of course they are, Beauchamp they were identical! Rather than give my savior my married name—a name I will hopefully soon be eradicated of— I gave him my maiden name.  
     “My name is Claire, Claire Beauchamp.”  
     “Nice to meet ye Claire, Jamie McTavish.” Smiling I took the proffered hand that released, what I now noticed, a plaid engulfing me into his warmth. Turning back I got my first look at his face.  
Incredibly handsome striking features gazing back at me, brilliant blue slanted eyes, wide sweeping forehead, straight nose, high cheekbones, stubble of gold and read framed by short red curls. He was strikingly handsome, his wife is a very lucky woman.  
     “I didn’t get a chance to thank-you properly earlier. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could have stayed quiet with Randall—you said? Cutting me open also not knowing but imagining the things he was about to do to me.” I shuddered, “Thank-you for saving me. I don’t know what I can ever do to repay you.”  
     “Ach, it was nothing at all Mistress Beauchamp. Randall canna be trusted and I’d no sooner let my hounds near him, let alone a lady like yerself.”  
     “All the same, thank you. You wouldn’t by chance happen to have a first aid kit so I can tend to my wounds?”  
     His eyebrows ruffled in confusion, “First aid kit?”  
     “Yes, clean cloth, bandages and solution for cleansing the wounds.”  
     “Oh, no I dinna have a kit like that wi’ me, but I’m sure we can find ye what ye need when we get out of MacKenzie territory. I’ll feel better once we’ve hit Fraser lands.”  
     “How far until we reach where we are going?”  
     “Oh a reckon, two no three days at best, but we’ll reach Fraser lands come midnight.”  
     Nothing more was said while we galloped faster to catch up with Murtagh.  
     Our journey from the stones, Captain Randall, and out of the MacKenzie lands gave Jamie and I time to talk. He told me of his family, his sister—Jenny and her misfortunate encounter with Captain Randall— which explained why he so eagerly saved a stranger from that vile man’s clutches. Wistfully he spoke of his mother and lost brothers, his father— though he did not say how he died only that it was a few years ago. I in turn told him of my upbringing with Uncle Lamb; Jamie was fascinated by the stories of Africa, particularly meeting and riding elephants. I did not mention Frank, nor that I was still technically married. This man made me feel free, I didn’t have to put on a face to please him, nor did I have to curb my tongue.  
     “We’ll make camp here for the night. Can ye get down without help, Sassenach?”  
     “Maybe.” I attempted to toss my leg over the side of the horse and instead slid off in a tumbling flail of limbs. The wind was knocked out of me and I stayed curled on the ground staring up at the night’s sky not wanting to move. With a laugh Jamie gracefully jumped off his horse, picked me up, then carried me over to where Murtagh had started building a fire.  
     “Here lass, I reckon ye’re hungry.” Surprisingly Murtagh thrust a piece of bread of some sort into my hand. “It’s no much but it’ll keep ye from starvin’. Lad, one o’ us will have to hunt if we want to stay fed.”  
     Nodding his head Jamie said, “Aye. I’ll go.” Sweeping out of the encampment Jamie left with nothing but his sword and knife in hand.  
     “I dinna ken what ye’ve done to the lad, but I’ve no seen him smile this much in many a year.”  
     Looking up at Murtagh I smiled and simply nodded.  
     “If ye’re an English spy and cause harm to the lad ye’ll be facing consequences not even the can save ye from.” Murtagh said in a steely cold voice.  
     “Well it’s a good thing I’m not a spy, isn’t it?” I replied back with force.  
     “How could I hurt Jamie? He—”  
     “The lad can tell ye his own story if he wishes but he’s no so impenetrable as ye may think.”  
     Murtagh’s words shocked me. What could have possibly happened to this man to make him so cynical? I understand not trusting strangers, but why would he not trust Jamie to take care of himself?  
     In uncomfortable silence we waited by the fire for Jamie to return. Sick of doing nothing I walked around the campsite searching the sky for signs of modern life. No telephone poles, wires, or lights. No grumbling rumble of planes passing overhead or cars traveling in the distance. I knew, yet dreaded the answer that was undoubtably true, I was no longer in the 20th century.  
     Jamie arrived back at camp carrying three good sized rabbits that had already been skinned and cleaned, ready for the fire.  
     After eating Jamie sat beside me for a while in silence then said, “Sleep while ye can, Sassenach. We willna be breaking camp until this time tomorrow.”  
     Curling up in the plaid borrowed from Jamie I struggled to clear my mind and relax. When was I? From the state of Murtagh and Jamie’s dress along with the uniform of Captain Randall, I could roughly estimate sometime between 1700 and 1800, but when and how? How did I get here?  
     I drifted off to the sound of the wilderness, a soft snoring from Jamie, and my mind not fully able to comprehend what was happening.


	3. Lallybroch

     Lallybroch was impressive to say the least as we approached the three story building surrounded by sweeping hills and fruitful farming lands. Jamie and Murtagh were deep in discussion, speaking in Gaelic…of course. Being excluded was one thing, but to intentionally speak so that I could not understand what was going on was another.  
     I felt fully like the sassenach that I was; an outlander that did not belong. It has been three and half days since the day I became swept up in a land I knew for sure wasn’t in a time of my own. This entire journey all I could think about was what am I to do here? Why was I brought here? Fleetingly Frank crossed my mind, wondering if he even noticed my disappearance—most likely Mrs. Graham or Mrs. Baird would be the ones to sound an alarm with the way he was carrying on. The bits of glass would be his biggest hinderance if anything.  
     “We’ll be walking from here, Claire.” Nodding I angled myself to slide off the horse gracefully— a task that was getting easier and easier with each dismount. While waiting on Jamie and Murtagh to dismount and recheck our saddle packs, I began fussing with the plaid Jamie lent me to wear as a dress stating that I was dressed “improper” and the least her could do would be to spare his kilt “to a maiden in need.”  
     When I first belted the kilt around I was surprised by how heavy, yet incredibly warm the plaid was. I did hope that dressed the way I was his sister would not find me a trollop or worse.  
     The dooryard of the estate was not what I was expecting. Beautiful overflowing gardens, a paddock off to the side, and an archway that read “Fraser” greeted me. I was in absolute awe. This place was beautiful, magnificent even and I have yet to see the indoors.  
     On the steps sat a small boy with curly dark hair playing with a wooden horse. The sight of the child made my heart clench— would I ever have children?  
     Jamie stopped as though he had seen a ghost. Looking at his face I followed his gaze to the small child. What is it about the child that scares him so? While handing the reigns to Murtagh, two dogs, if you could call them dogs, bounded over to Jamie barking and jumping enthusiastically.  
     “Luke! Bran! Sheas!” Jamie yelled laughing and rubbing both dogs behind an ear. The haunting look hadn't left his eyes, yet the smile on his face was larger than I had seen in the brief days I’ve known him.  
     At that moment a short, dark haired woman came barreling into the door yard yelling, “What is the meaning of all this?”  
     Catching sight of what, more like who, was the meaning of all the commotion she stopped dead in her tracks and barely audibly spoke, “Jamie.”  
     How Jamie heard her I have no idea, but sensing his name he looked up and his grin was even wider, “Jenny!”  
     So this was his sister. The one he was trying to save when the British absconded him as an ‘obstruction to the cause.’ She was beautiful and comically tiny compared to mammoth sized brother. Their embrace seemed so intimate and personal, I had to remind myself it had been three years since she had last heard from him. Her smile so bright and similar to that of Jamie’s it had me smiling.  
     “Where have ye been? Three years and not even a letter? Do ye ken how worried I was after watching the lobster backs drag your limp body from the archway?”  
     “I’m sorry Jenny, I dinna mean to worry you. I have been… ye could say, hiding.”  
     “Hiding? With a woman ye mean.” She said nodding at me and setting a steely gaze upon me. Identical blue cat eyes stared at me, one full of anger the other full of concern.  
     “Jenny this is Claire Beauchamp, Murtagh and I found her being tortured and nearly raped by Captain Randall few days back. I couldna leave her there with him. She’ll be safer with us.”  
     Walking forward I extended my hand, hopeful of a cordial greeting, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  
     Jenny’s hand that had been extending to meet mine recoiled in an instant.  
     “An Englishwoman! Ye brought that kind of disgrace here? To our home after what they did to ye, to father? How dare ye James Fraser!”  
     Jamie winced as though she had struck him. Fraser. The name over the archway, this was his name, his home? Why had he called himself McTavish? At least the Jamie part seemed to be true. Looking down at the ground I prepared myself for what I must do. I could not tear apart this family, and I will not be the reason for their strife.  
     “I’m terribly sorry to have burdened you. If I could only get a bit of water and maybe bread I’ll— I’ll be on my way.” I was choked up and I couldn’t figure out why. I’ve only been with Jamie and Murtagh for three, almost four days, and they’d lied to me of their identities from the start. Why would I feel this crushing sadness of walking away?  
     “Claire, no! I canna let you do that!”  
     “Why Jamie McTavish, or should I call you Fraser?” The wince was back as though I had struck him this time, “Why should I stay? I am thankful and more than grateful for what you did back by the stones, I don’t know how I could ever repay you for saving me; however, I will not be the reason your sister and you have a row and I will not cause uneasiness. I can clearly see that my presence is not welcomed.” I said this looking directly at Jenny, to see if my words were incorrect. Clearly they were not, she crossed her arms, straightened her shoulders and nodded.  
     “Claire please…” Jamie begged. Why is he begging?  
     “What my clot heid of a brother is trying to say is that we canna just let you leave without somewhere to go. I may not trust ye or even like ye but I canna just put ye out for scraps. Come, let’s see if there’s anything we have ye can wear. I reckon my brother would like his kilt back.”  
     Following Jenny inside I was stunned. This woman clearly hates me, yet one pleading statement from her brother and it slightly changes.  
     The house is even more grand and beautiful on the inside. Quickly and quietly Jenny led me up a set of stairs and into a room decorated in the most elegant blue coverings.  
     “If ye’ll take the plaid off so I can see yer figure, I can figure out better what might fit ye.”  
     Surprisingly feeling rather naked in only my simple nylon dress I reluctantly took the plaid off and folded it neatly on the bed. Studying me, causing me to want to pull my arms up in front of my chest and turn my head away, Jenny seemed to like what she saw and quickly pulled a trunk out from seemingly no where.  
     “Here, give this a try.” She handed me a blue and green plaid skirt, a tan bodice with a matching blue and green insert. Reaching for the zipper of my dress I heard Jenny’s intake of breath. Her hand reached out and hovered over the deepest gash Jamie and Murtagh had helped me dress the other day.  
     “He said ye were tortured…I-”  
     “Yes, I was relieved of my clothes, thrown onto the ground, sat on and cut open all while I was desperately trying to get away. I never knew the king’s army to be so.. so.. vile and cruel. If it hadn’t been for Jamie—” I fought back a sob and Jenny’s hand rested on my arm.  
     “Randall has done nothin’ but hurt my family. Jamie has _seen_ it first hand. Randall tried to rape me, I know the cruelty of the man well. As long as ye are with Jamie, he’ll let no harm come to ye.” Pulling out a handkerchief, Jenny blotted my cheeks and helped me into the dress.  
     Somehow in all this, I believe Jenny and I just became friends.


	4. Unwanted

     Walking down the stairs, I felt completely out of place. The dress, which fit well, was not me— the lack of my undergarments made me squirm and want to shield myself even though I am completely covered. Jamie was waiting at the bottom of the stairs— pacing. Looking up when he heard us, a small smile lit up his face.  
     “Well what do ye think brother? Mam’s old homespun fits yer Claire quite nice.”  
     My eyes widened, their mother’s dress! That’s what I was wearing. My hands touched to the bindings of the corset, I don’t deserve their kindness.  
    “She looks bonnie. Thank you, Jenny.” He leaned over and kissed his sister on the cheek, causing a brilliant smile to bloom on her face.  
    “Thank you for your kindness, both of you. I-”  
     “If ye think about saying ye canna wear the dresses I’ve already left for ye in yer room think again. Mam would have wanted them to be of use, not stored in a trunk just waiting around. I’ll ne’re fit into them, no tall enough unlike you Claire. Besides the la—”  
     Jamie’s eyes were the size of saucers and his head moved back and forth swiftly cutting off whatever it is that Jenny was about to say next.  
     “Fine ye coward. They suit ye, Claire and I’ll hear no more of it! Come on I want to introduce the three of ye to my wee Jamie.”  
      Puzzled from the siblings interaction, I followed Jenny to the dooryard where the adorable little boy was playing earlier.  
     “Ach! Ian! What are you doin’ to wee Jamie?” Jenny yelled at the man holding the giggling little boy upside down.  
     “Ah, Jenny he’s fine. Aren’t you my lad?” Giggles were his response. Infectious giggles that made me smile and ache even more for the family I may never have.  
     “Ian.” Jamie’s voice was a happy shout.  
     “Jamie Fraser, back from the dead I see!” The man hobbled over to Jamie and pulled him into an embrace.  
     “Da! Da quit!” The small voice of wee Jamie shrieked through giggles.  
     Laughing, Ian pulled away from Jamie and righted wee Jamie, “Jamie I’d like you to meet your namesake, Jamie Fraser. Your uncle mo chridhe.”  
     Relief swept over Jamie’s face and the smaller Jamie looked up at the towering form of his uncle in awe. The little boy attached himself to his uncle’s legs, a small smile on his face. Jamie tentatively placed his hand on wee Jamie’s head and a smile of his own crossed his face. His smile was breathtaking.  
     Hefting the smaller Jamie up, Jamie held the boy close and whispered something to him that caused the younger Jamie to cackle in delight. The sight of this tall, by no means unattractive man, holding this small fragile child close sent chills down my spine. He looked good with a child, his wife will be a lucky woman to give him beautiful children he will clearly adore— if his reaction to his nephew is anything to go off of.  
     The love surrounding me was palpable and I felt like an unwelcome intruder.  
     I could feel my breathing become labored and short, my head was spinning, and my eyes burned with the unshed tears I was vainly attempting to keep at bay.  
     Love. Will I ever feel it again? Was what I had with Frank actually love? I no longer trust the feelings I once felt.  
     Muttering a faint “excuse me,” I ran back into the house and found an empty room with a ledge by a window. Holding onto the window I let my emotions take over. Tears created rivers down my cheeks and the hollow unwanted feeling I had been ignoring consumed me.  
     This beautiful family had so much more love in one interaction, one touch, and in one smile than I believe I have ever experienced. I ached to feel that love. To feel something other than the overwhelmingly crushing feeling of being unwanted.  
     My hands tightened on the ledge causing my fingers to ache and knuckles to whiten.  
     Why was I unwanted? Why did Frank bring another woman to his bed? Why didn’t he at least feign being sorrowful and try to explain? All he did was smirk and hasten his actions with a vigor he had never shown me.  
     “Claire?”  
     Jamie’s voice startled me. Sniffing as discreetly as possible I turned to look at him, face most likely red and tear stained, eyes puffy.  
     “Yes?”  
     “Why do you cry, mo nighean donn?” He whispered the last part, as though it was a secret he did not realize he was vocalizing.  
     “No, no reason.” I sniffled again.  
     “If it were for no reason, ye would no be crying again. Please, will ye trust me enough to tell me?” The concern and hopefulness on his face caused another round of shuddering sobs. Why does he care?  
     Nodding slightly I decided to open up.  
     “Your family is so beautiful and seeing the love—I cannot fully say what it has done to me, other than give me hope that I may find love as yours…I mean your family’s.” My cheeks pinked, a slip of the tongue but no less meaningful. The look of love he has for his sister, nephew, brother-in-law and the surly Murtagh could bring me to my knees. This was a man unafraid of his emotions— emotions that I so desperately craved.  
     “Have ye no one we can send word to? I ken ye mentioned yer parents died from an overturned carriage and your uncle killed in a battle, but is there no one else, Claire?”  
     “No. There isn’t.”  
     “What of yer husband?” Iced flooded my veins and struck me like lightning. How did he know?  
     “What did you say?”  
     “I said what of your husband? Surely after riding together for nigh on four days you think I wouldna notice the slight line from the ring you bore on yer left hand?”  
     Shaking my head, I fisted the hand in question and took a shuddering breath.  
     “No. There is no husband.”  
     “Is he no alive?”  
     “Oh, no he is no longer alive, but the bastard decided to take other women to his bed and he broke his vows. He is no husband of mine any longer, dead or alive. I will not be morning him.”  
     Nodding Jamie looked down.  
     “Please dinna find me as impertinent, but how did ye come to find this and end yer marriage?”  
     Squaring my shoulders, looking at Jamie I vowed I would not shed a single tear for Frank or the lost marriage, my tears are for the love I may never have and that will be all.  
     “I walked in on him in our bed fucking another woman. When he saw me, he looked up smirked and continued with more enthusiasm that I had ever experienced with him. In that moment I left never to see him again. I had broken a vase,” a vase the color of the man who stood before me’s eyes, “I hope a shard pierced him.”  
     “I see, so ye didna get a divorce through the church?”  
     “No.”  
     “Ah, weel as I can tell then ye are still married unless the bastard is dead.”  
     Thinking of the year I was currently in, and the fact that we came across his six or seven times great grandfather I believe saying Frank is dead would be accurate.  
     “He is. I’m no longer bound by any vow.”  
     “Do ye still keep his name? Are ye Mistress Beauchamp?”  
     “No. His name will stay in the ground with him. My maiden name was Beauchamp and that will be the name I proudly wear.”  
     Smiling for the first time during our conversation Jamie extended a hand and did a small bow, “Well then Miss Beauchamp it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, my name is James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser, Laird of Broch Tuarach, and your humble servant.”  
     Smiling I grabbed his still extended hand and shook it, “The pleasure is all mine, Laird Broch Tuarach.”  
     Jenny found us hand in hand and laughing a short while later. The small smile on her face proved to me that we will overcome any differences between us.  
     “Mrs. Crook has dinner ready. The two of ye are to come to the dining room and join us.”  
     “I suppose we should eat, it has been a while since I’ve had something decent to eat, let alone you. When was the last time you had a filling meal?”  
     “Dinna fash, Sassenach. I’ll be eating alongside ye tonight and we’ll both have full bellies.”  
     I heard a voice, so soft I wasn’t sure I really heard anything, speak, “I’ll eat better, sleep better knowing ye are safe. Safe and mine.”  
     A sigh came from Jamie as he led me to the dining room, hand on my back and smile still in place. Perhaps being stranded in an unknown time won’t be so bad.


	5. Wanted

     She belongs here, kept racing through my mind the longer Claire stayed at Lallybroch. She moves with a grace and ease amongst the house and land that even Jenny doesna have. It has been six months since she first made her way into my life—into my heart. She doesna see the way I look at her, or if she does she’s no made any say so about it. Lifing my head to the sky I sent out a silent prayer: God, why did you bring this lass into my life if it no were for her to be mine?  
     The sadness that once engulfed her has started to ebb away, her smile comes easier now. The smile that is so sweet, it makes my heart ache with want and my body consumed with desire, crosses her face more often now than ever before. Would she be happy being mine? There are times when I feel her gaze upon me, I try not to make fool of myself, yet I canna help but puff my chest out and complete whatever task at hand with more vigor.  
     “What’s on your mind, lad?”  
     Sighing, I looked at Murtagh not answering his question and returned my gaze to where Claire stood picking her wee herbs.  
     “Ah… I see, lad. Why do you no make your intentions known? The lass has been here long enough to know of yer character and values. If you dinna make it known to her soon, there are others who will no be letting something stop them and she may go wi’ them. She’s a bonnie lass, smart, good to have around— especially with those potions she conjures up— the families around here are chompin’ at the bit to have her be theirs.”  
     “What sort of life could I give her, Murtagh? A life on the run, always looking over her shoulder wondering if I’m to be hanged tomorrow or no? I canna do that to her.”  
     “Ye are a wee fool James Fraser! Do you no see how the lass looks at ye? Her smile is brighter and her eyes have life to them when ye are together.”  
     I made a noise deep in my throat not believing him.  
     “She feels obligated to me,” I tried to convince myself. “For helping her that day with Black Jack, no out of love.”  
     “You ken it all now do you, ye clot hied! She looks at you the way your mam looked at your father— and ye return those looks tenfold! Do ye want to be miserable and lonely, like I am? Dinna lose your love because ye were too much of coward to get her!”  
     Huffing off in a storm of mild rage, Murtagh left me where I sat watching Claire. Could he be right? Could she want me as I want her? As though she were looking into my mind, Claire looked up and the earth shattering smile I pine for split her face as she waved at me, beckoning me to her.  
     There was no way I could refuse this woman.  
     “Where have you been, lazy bones?” Claire teased with a laugh. “I haven’t seen you out with Ian and the others collecting the harvest.”  
     “Ach, well I’ve been doing my duties as Laird and overseein’ things. What about you Miss Beauchamp, I dinna see ye prepping the harvest for winter?”  
     The melodious giggle she emitted lightened my heart even further—could it really be this easy?  
     “Guilty. I have been gathering enough plants and herbs I hope to combat the cold season ahead. I don’t want you all bedridden and unable to function all winter.”  
     “I’m sure ye’ll keep us mighty well, being the fine healer that ye are.” A blush rounded her cheeks and the tips of her ears.  
     “I’m not all that great, but thankyou. It feels so nice to feel useful and _wanted_.”  
     The way she said wanted held a hint of sadness I never wanted to hear again.  
     “Oh, aye, verra wanted. I dinna ken where we’d be without ye.” Her coy smile and blush blazed brighter. Extending my elbow out I inquired if I could walk her back to the main house for some lunch and she graciously agreed.  
     “Jamie,”  
     “Aye?”  
     “Why do you not have a wife? I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but these months I’ve been here, you have the makings of the perfect husband. Do you choose to be alone or…”  
     “I’m no promised, Sassenach. No because I couldna be, but because the lass— the lass has no made her intentions clear to me. I dinna want to assume she may feel the same.”  
     Glancing sideways I saw her draw her bottom lip between her teeth deep in thought.  
     “Have you made your intentions clear to this… lass?”  
     Looking me directly in the her statement was a challenge.  
     “No. How would ye suggest I tell her? I dinna want to frighten her away.”  
     “You won’t. You should be honest and just tell her, or show your affections by other means. A picnic, perhaps?”  
     “Aye, well then,” Turning to face Claire directly, I grabbed her hands and took a steadying breath. “Sassenach, will ye do me the honor in a picnic by the burn tomorrow for lunch?”  
     Smiling even brighter, she pulled herself up regally, squaring her shoulders to be at her full height, “I will, Jamie. But do we have to wait until tomorrow?”


	6. Love

     Jamie had been from our first ride together, a calm, steady center for my thoughts to focus on. Six months I’ve been immersed in the past, yet I cannot seem to wrap my mind around the glaringly obvious. The longer I am here, interacting with the moments of the past, the more comfortable I’ve become. Jamie, I can credit to singlehandedly making my stay even more welcoming and experiencing the homelike feelings I’ve come to possess. Since the day he rescued me from Fra—Black Jack, I have felt more at east than I have ever felt before. Uncle Lamb, Frank, not even my parents settled me the way one smile from Jamie does.  
     Last week, the awkward and adorable Laird of Lallybroch, finally plucked up the courage to take me on a picnic—the best picnic I’ve ever had the pleasure of going on. The picnic was held by the Mill’s burn on the edge of Fraser Lands—his lands. A smile crept onto my face just reminiscing of the moments there; shy awkward touches and glances fueled by easy smiles, conversation, and love.  
     Could I know love, again? Each day Ian and Jenny’s love pours out in unexpected and beautiful ways, the love for each other, their child and the one not even born; one look and the room is filled with a sense of awe and devotion. The love Jamie shows takes my breath away; is this how it is supposed to be? Is true love supposed to knock you senseless, cause your heart to stop and simultaneously speed up to point you feel as though you will fly away?  
How can a simple glance, smile or gesture cause all of my worries, insecurities and doubts to disappear into a cloud of dreams, desires and hope?  
     Oh God, love. That’s what this feeling, I have been refusing to identify truly is—honest, pure, love. A warmth filled my chest at the acknowledgment at what Jamie evokes in me. My breathing started to come short and fast, sitting down to ease the overwhelming dizziness while my mind spun out of control. I never thought I could find love or be loved after what Frank did… if my husband, the man who swore to love me forever, could not stay true or love me, why and how could anyone else possibly do so?  
     The characteristics men possessed that had formed in my mind since the scandalous afternoon with Frank followed by the horror of Jack Randall, was not one of kindness; Jamie broke that mold at every turn. His kindness is unparalleled, even with men from my own time; the fierce protectiveness of the ones he loves is awe inspiring—why did men lose this sense of honor over the years? The stubborn fool that he is, Jamie proves to be a strong leader even from afar; the genteel nature with the children of Lallybroch, especial with young Jamie causes my heart to yearn to give him one of his own. The giddiness and heart palpitations that have become a standard association with Jamie the children he plays with, brings a smile and a want so deep I cannot fathom it’s depths. Frank had wanted children, a family, but the thought of him with a child never stirred the emotions coursing through me now.  
     The feeling of hope was so strong I can imagine things with Jamie, I never could see before with Frank. The images of small children running about the fields, their giggles filling the air; happiness, security and the overall feeling of home surrounding their giggling forms. I can hear Jamie’s laugh as he chases the children about, identical flaming heads gleaming in the sunlight, darker curls bouncing as choruses of “Mama!” Rings through the air, along with “Mama, save us from the bear!” Followed by giggles and squeals of joy uncontrollably tumble from them as Jamie tossed them one by one over his shoulders, exclaiming in a comically deep voice that he caught dinner! The scene in my mind shifts to the rug by the hearth, three little bodies laying on top of the dogs, eyes wide and eager, while Jamie sits in his chair, hands telling the tale as expressively as the multi-pitched voices Jamie used.  
     “Sassenach?”  
     The dream Jamie spoke to me looking up from the now dozing children. Then his hand was on my shoulder shaking me. “Sassenach? Claire!”  
     Not dream Jamie, the real man was crouched down beside me rubbing my shoulder.  
     “Are ye alright? You have been crying over here for a while now.” At his words I touched my cheek to feel that sure enough, tears had been streaming down my face. Jamie’s hand that wasn’t on my shoulder reached out and wiped away the tears from the other cheek.  
     “I’m—thankyou—I’m fine. Just thinking…” Sniffing and trying to hastily wipe the remaining tears from my right cheek.  
     “What thoughts were causing such tears, a nighean?” Jamie’s hand gently stroked a wayward hair from my face. The image of the three children popped back to the forefront of my thoughts, this time I could feel the tears as they fell.  
     “Something beautiful.” I smiled up at his handsome face hoping he saw the truth to my words. He smiled back his brows furrowed.  
     “Ah, will ye no tell me what it was then?”  
     Shaking my head from side to side, I couldn’t tell him. Not just yet, “No, but in time I may just tell you.”  
     Pulling me to his chest, Jamie placed a kiss on my forehead and murmured something in Gaelic. “You know I don’t know what you say when you speak in Gaelic.”  
     “Aye, Sassenach. Maybe it’s for the better, but seeing as ye are in Scotland with no plans of leaving, we may need to work on that.”  
     “Who said anything about me staying?” I teased.  
     “Och, you wound me, Sassenach. Have I no given ye reason to stay?” The light playfulness started to dissipate, “Do ye no want me, Claire?” His face drawn up in sadness.  
     “Jamie,” I said while placing my hand on his cheek. “You do give me reasons to stay. I’m afraid one day I’ll wake up and all of this—you, will have been a dream.”  
     Gripping the hand that was holding his face tight and placing a small kiss to the center of my palm I could feel and hear him as his lips whispered, “I’m no a dream, a nightmare maybe, but I’m real same as you. I’ll give ye anything ye want, mo nighean donn, so long as ye are with me.”  
     Holding on to each other the moment settled into my bones— so long as I am with him. Every fiber of my being rebelled at the concept of leaving him. This—him, was home now. Everything I never knew I needed was holding onto me. His heartbeat a steaming song matching my own, already in perfect synchronization.  
     “As Laird, do you have to marry someone of your own station?”  
     “Own station? You mean like the English and their king needin’ to marry another noble?”  
     Nodding, I laid my head on his chest, hoping that wasn’t the case. “No, mo nighean donn, I can marry whoever I choose. Although, if I dinna marry soon, Jenny may marry me off to who she sees fit. Broch Tuarach needs a lady to run it’s halls and tend to it’s tenants.”  
     “You will need a strong woman who is capable of leading and sympathy then? Someone like your sister— a fine, Scottish lass?”  
     “Aye, a strong, hard, yet fair woman; she doesna need to be Scottish though, so long as the people respect her.” Cupping my chin, he lifted my head so that we were now looking eye to eye.  
     “Any idea where might I find such a braw lassie?” He laughed and bent down, lightly pressing his lips to mine.  
     When his words penetration into my rational thought I pulled away shocked. “Are you—are you asking me to marry you?”  
     “Weel, I wouldna say I was askin’ just yet; but Aye. I will be.”  
     “How can you say that? You’ve only known me for a short while and—”  
     “And in that time have ye no proven that ye are exactly what I said? Strong, hard and fair? One whom the tenants respect, adore even. Do ye no see how they react when ye come around with the wee herbs and potions? Fixin’ many a men up, children and women too; they all adore you.”  
     “What of you? You say the people, your tenants,” I amended. “You said they adore me, but what about you?”  
     “Oh Sassenach, I’ve more than adored ye since the day I helped you escape from Randall. When the time comes, I’ll be a bit more formal about it, but know I will be askin’. This is your chance to think it over, if ye want to l-leave or stay, here, with me. I canna promise you safety from the English, but I can promise you the protection of my body, clan, and sword if need be.” He kissed me one more time, “I dinna want ye to feel pressured, just know my feelings willna change.”  
     A smile curved on my lips, causing Jamie’s blue eyes to brighten. “Well alright then, just know my answer will not change from what I’ve decided. When you do ask, I’m prepared to answer.”  
     A smile so bright, the sun seemed dim, erupted across Jamie’s face as he stood and extended a hand out to me.  
     “Well then, Sassenach, I say that makes us a fine pair.” Picking up the basket I didn’t see that he had brought with him he pointed towards the house, “Come then, I was going to see if you wanted another picnic, but it’s best we go back. I have a declaration to make over supper, and I’ll want everyone wi’ me when I make it.”  
     Laying my head on his shoulder as we walked back to the house, I knew I would say yes when he asked; Be it tonight, tomorrow, next week, or next year, I would always say yes.


	7. Defending Love

     Everyone was gathered around the dinner table prepared to tuck into the feast Mrs. Crook had prepared when Jamie stood from is place at the head of the table. My stomach had lodged itself in my throat, anxiously awaiting the declaration he had spoken of in the fields. Jamie glanced over each of the family members present while raising his whiskey glass, “I dinna mean to keep us from our supper too long, but I canna eat until this has been said.” The piercing blue eyes locked onto mine, nothing could have broken my returning gaze. “I mean to take a wife in the coming months.”  
     Before another word could be spoken, Jenny excitedly squealed and embraced her brother. “Who have ye decided on then?” I could see her smirk and eyebrow quirk up, challenging in a playful manner.  
     “Oh the lass kens I intend to wed her, she just hasna given me an answer.” What I assumed was supposed to be a wink, but looked more like a wide eyed owl blinking came from Jamie, making a nod at our earlier conversation. Doesn’t the fool know he just needs to formally ask and I would say yes? “I’ll be giving her some time to think my proposal over, but I dinna foresee her saying no.” Cocky bastard, of course he already believes he knows my answer— however, he isn’t wrong.  
Sitting back down, Jamie was the first to take a bite of the food. Ian and Jenny sat with dumbstruck and incredulous looks at his blasé demeanor, the only one who seemed smug was Murtagh. The gruff man had a hint of a smile beneath his unruly beard and stole sly glances between Jamie and myself.  
     Dinner continued on in awkward contemplative silence. No one daring to speak after Jamie’s declaration. I wanted to sneak off to my room or slip into a corner where no one would notice, but Jenny had other plans. After the meal was finished she slipped her arm around my own and pulled me off to the kitchen. “Did my brother ask ye to marry him?”  
     My eyes widened at her blunt question— never skirting around the issue, Frasers.  
     “Not in so many words he didn’t. He said he would ask, but he wasn’t asking at the time.”  
     “Why that wee gomeral—I ken he was up to something! Did ye answer him?”  
     “No, I haven’t. Technically he never asked a question, so no answer was needed. I’m sure he will.”  
     “Ach, he better! Ye would be better suited as my good sister than anyone else in the Hielands.”  
     Placing my and on her arm I smiled and thanked her. That was one of the first times she had shown any form of kinship towards me and I was not about to let it go. “Why do you think he made his ‘declaration’ instead of just asking me?”  
     “Weel, if I had to guess, that was his idea of askin’ ye, the clot hied never did do things the easy way.”  
     Both of us laughing in agreement, I finally felt accepted by Jenny. My heart swelled with the realization, I finally had a person to call a friend.  
     “We best get to the family room and see what those men we love are up to, aye?”  
     “Alright then.” Walking in companionable silence, arms still linked together, we made our way to where we thought the men might be. As we approached the door way the muffled sounds of Jamie and Ian’s voices could be heard; Jenny placed her other hand on my arm to stop me from advancing.  
     “—you are sure ye ken what ye are doing? Does she realize what marrying you would mean?”  
     “I’m no sure if she does or not Ian, but I canna let her go. I dinna ken how ye react to thinking or looking at my sister,” Jamie started and amended his statement, “I’d rather not ken the full extent of it, but do ye feel as though yer life finally has direction when ye see her? Just thinking of Claire and my heart swells with pride and desire, seein’ her walk about the grounds, as though she were born to be here, I canna explain quite how I feel.”  
     “Aye, ken what ye are talking about. I feel the same when it comes to Jenny; however, I’m not the Laird, nor do I have a price on my head! What does your Claire think of that?”  
     “I dinna ken. I havena asked her what she thinks of the price on my head; as for being Laird…”  
     “Why have you no asked her? Christ, Jamie, ye go and make a bold speech about wanting to take a wife, staring straight into her as though ye were going to drill a hole through her skull, and ye dinna even ken what she thinks of the price on yer head? Why would she—“  
     I had heard enough and slammed the doors open.  
     “I don’t care about the price on his head!” I said with as much steel in my voice as I could. Stopping at Jamie’s side I looked at Ian, “You have no right to think he has done anything that would diminish my thoughts or feelings towards him. You should know better than I how he did not commit the act he is wanted for! The risk of danger that goes along with being a part of Jamie’s life is more than worth it— do you know what my life was like before I came here? Have you even the slightest idea the danger I was constantly in until this man saved me, showed me what happiness and love truly felt like?”  
     The only thing that could be heard was the crackling of the fire and the panting of the dogs laying by Murtagh’s feet. The slack expression on Ian’s face while I was berating him slowly hardened into a smirk and joy dancing like the fire in his eyes. “Lass, do ye mean to say by all this, that ye already accepted Jamie’s proposal?”  
     I took a step towards Ian, challenging him, “What if I have? What does it mean to you? From what I heard it seemed as though you were trying to discourage Jamie from the entire notion of marrying me.”  
     “Och, no, ye have me mistaken lass. I wanted to make sure ye understood the dangers of coming with marrying a Fraser. I ken it well that once a Fraser has their heels dug in and mind set, there’s no budging them. It’s ye that I have pause for concern about. Tell me, are ye prepared to watch yer husband be hanged? Or have to flee his lands because the Red Coats are near? Would you abandon him or go with him?” Shaking his head he continued, “Wouldna it be easier if ye just said no, and left not giving him a second thought—keeping yourself safe?”  
     “No. It would not be easier to leave. Being here as taught me the value of surrounding oneself with love and loved ones, for the first time since my parents and uncle died I feel as though I could have that sort of comfort again. Jamie is the one who has shown it to me time and time again, even when I don’t think he meant to do so. I am the most selfish person because I’m not only thinking of him when I say this, but myself; I cannot and will not leave him! He is the reason I stay here, you can try all you want to convince me otherwise or that being with him is not the right thing to do, but I won’t hear it.” Walking back over to Jamie I grabbed his hand and squeezed with all the strength I could, causing him to squeeze back. “If I were to leave him, it would rip my heart out. The day the Red Coats come and try to take him, I’ll run with him, if they try to hang him, I’ll be there to get him down and out of that rope before he can be killed. I’ve seen men die, violently. I have watched what war, carnage, destruction and hate does to people, I will not go back to that life and I will not watch hate take away the first good thing in my life.”  
     My chest was heaving by the time I finished even though my voice was down to barely a whisper when speaking of the war. A smile stretched across Ian’s face as he stood clapping his hands together. “Perfect! Jamie, I think ye’ve found someone who can even beat yer stubbornness! Come ‘ere, lass.” Ian deftly pulled me into a warm hug, “Welcome to the family.”  
     “That’s enough from you.” Jamie joked as he pulled me back into his arms. “She’s my bride, and ye are hogging her.”  
     Grinning I looked up at Jamie to see the same smile looking back down at me. A grunting, that sounded almost like a growl came from Murtagh, “Let’s give the lad some privacy, aye?” With a pat on his leg and a short whistle the dogs followed Murtagh out of the room. Jenny held onto Ian’s arm with tears running down her face while she smiled at the two of us, she mouthed “later” to me and I nodded. Knowing she had something to say about the matter of the night. Soon it was only Jamie and I standing by the fire, gripping each other as though our lives depended on the flesh to flesh contact.  
     “Did ye mean what ye said?”  
I simply nodded. “All you had to do was ask and I would have said yes out in the field. This is where I belong; I don’t just mean Lallybroch,with you is where I belong. Scotland or the colonies, Lallybroch estate or a cave, it doesn’t matter as long as we are together.” The tender kiss Jamie left on my forehead turned my insides into mush and I melted into his embrace.  
     “Thank-you, Sassenach. Truly. Ye have no idea how happy I am that you’ve said yes to me.”  
     “It’s I that should be thanking you. You’ve shown me what it’s like to feel love, Jamie, and that is something I can never repay.”  
     “Aye, ye can. Love me back, that’s all I’ll ask, love me back and ye’ll be showing me what I’ve shown you.”  
     Jamie settled us on the rug by the fire, myself sitting across his lap with my head on his shoulder and his head leaning against mine, his left hand absentmindedly stroking my thigh.  
     “Sassenach?”  
     “Mmm?”  
     “Will ye do me the honor of marrying me?” Lifting my head up I reverently kissed his lips, gently touching his jaw while holding his head in place. “Yes Jamie, I will.”  
     Kissing me with such urgency, I gave in to all of him. My heart felt whole, my head was spinning out of control, and I couldn’t find it in me to want it any other way.  
     For a time we sat in silence, stealing a kiss or a touch here and there, just marveling in the emotions surging around us. The dream of the children came back to me as I stared at the fire.  
     “Jamie, have you ever thought of our future?”  
     “Oh, aye, Sassenach, many times. Thoughts of what I could have with ye have kept me sane these past six months. How else do ye think I havena done something sooner?”  
     Giggling at his apparent distress of wanting for those six months I had to ask, “What kinds of things did you think about? Were they just of getting me to where we are now or…?”  
     “The kinds of things ye say? Weel I did imagine asking ye to marry me and your response, though I dinna quite expect the display from this evening.” My cheeks flamed in embarrassment, I would have to apologize to Ian first chance I had. “I’ve often thought of what it would be like living here, as laird and lady; no price on my hied to worry about, just quarter days and the harvest to stress over. With that I imagined filling these halls with our children.”  
     My head perked up and I looked into his fathomless ocean blue eyes, “Children? You’ve thought about children.. with me?”  
      “Aye, I have… was that to brass of me? Do ye no want children, Claire? If that’s the cas—“ Silencing him with a kiss, the three small children danced before my closed eyelids, causing the tears to fall again.  
     “How many?”  
     “As many as ye’ll bless me with, mo nighean donn.” Smiling I kissed him again. I could see it all, the children, running the house, being with Jamie… This is where I was meant to be. I may be from the twentieth century, but my heart and soul belongs in the eighteenth.


	8. Unease

     “Tsss!” Rabbie hissed and whimpered while I gingerly dabbed at the new wounds marring his lower back—A strap most likely with a metal tip if I had to wager the weapon used.  
     “Stop yer whimpering boy!” The bellowing voice of Ronald McNab came from his corner of the room by the hearth. “I still dinna ken why ye called the Sassenach, healer or no, to our home.” His ire this time directed at his mother who sat diligently beside Rabbie overseeing every move I make.  
     Snorting through her nose Grannie McNab’s derision set her son’s breathing to a rapid rate. He sounded and looked more like a Spanish bull ready to charge and gouge anything that moves. Jenny, seeing the pandemonium that was likely to ensue, placed a hand on Robert’s anger induced quivering shoulder and asked him of his predictions for the upcoming barley season. I sent up a silent prayer of thankfulness for Jenny’s quick wit and distraction capabilities. Ronald’s short temper and Grannie McNab’s indifference was making me work all the more diligently.  
     The uneasy feeling the McNab’s brought about in me grew that much more prominent every second I was in their presence; a fact which startled me and terrified me. I constantly looked to the side out of the corner of my eye, surveying Robert and Grannie McNab; Robert the abusive drunkard of a man made my skin tingle and my wits to be on high alert, but what surprises me more is how just sitting next to old Grannie McNab made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and a shiver involuntarily go down my spine. Something about these people brought about my unease and I didn’t like it. Rabbie, the poor boy, was the only one who didn’t have me wanting to run from the house; I wanted to grab up the boy and sprint away with him, however, I had a job to finish. Maybe with Jenny’s help and careful planning, could get the youngest McNab out of the clutches of these people.  
     “Almost finished, I’m happy to say the cuts are quite shallow and should scab over here in a day or so. Let me just…” reaching into my newly acquired box of homemade medicinals, grabbed an ointment that would stop the bleeding and prevent infection, and applied a generous amount to the cuts. “There. I’ll bandage these up to prevent the ointment from staining your shirt and in a few days you should be able to these off with no worry about opening the wounds again. For now though, I recommend not twisting too far around or scratching at the wounds as they scab over.”  
     “Thank-you, Mistress Beauchamp for making the trip and seeing to our wee Rabbie today; I hope ye’ll not think us a burden.”  
     “Oh, not at all. I’m happy to help the Fraser’s tenants when I’m able.” Smiling, what I hoped to be sweetly at Grannie McNab, I began gathering the soiled rags and supplies that were scattered across the bench and floor.  
     “Don’t you mean soon to be _your_ tenants, Mistress? Or would you rather me bow and say _Lady Broch Tuarach_?” Sneering at me from across the room, Ronald’s hands were shaking yet again, or perhaps never stopped, with his unrestrained rage.  
     “I-”  
     “Now Ronald! Ye may be a grown man but ye are nay too old for me to taws yer arse!” I was surprised at the fierce loyalty Grannie McNab was showing for me. Could my initial instinct about her be wrong?  
     “The Laird willna take too kindly to ye insulting his bride.” Oh, or the instincts were right and she was only afraid of what Jamie will end up doing to the man.  
     “I dinna care what the Laird does! He’s a disgrace of a Scotsman to being marrying himself a Sassenach whore! Ye say she’s a healer! Pah! I kent a witch when I see one, mark my words Mam this whore will do nay but harm to these lands. I willna pledge loyalty to any family as those who will associate themselves with the filthy Sassenachs.” Spitting on the ground Ronald glared resentfully. The saying _‘If looks could kill_ ’ came to mind looking at Ronald’s face and I quickly adverted my eyes as to not spur any more ill wishes.  
     “You best take care on the next set of words to come from your mouth, Ronald McNab. This is my kin, my lands, my brother whom ye throw insult to.” Jenny may be small but the set of her jaw and stern glare would cause the strongest of men to cower. “Be glad your Laird wasna here to witness your insults.” Turning to me Jenny jerked her head towards the door. “Come along, Claire. We best be getting back to Lallybroch.”  
     Crossing over the threshold I heard Jenny’s final remark, “We’ll be expecting payment for each house call and healing summons come Quarter Day. Do make sure that ye have it.” I heard her mumble something along the lines of “Or we’ll see how keen ye are to pledge yerself to a new Laird without coin to yer name.”  
     The walk back to Lallybroch was pleasant yet brisk. The cool Scottish air for once was free of mist or outright rain drops pattering on your head while walking. Taking a deep breath, I couldn’t help but savor the clean air and the sun on my face. I did miss the twentieth century, but one thing I did not miss was the smell of the twentieth century: petrol, smog heavy in the air, car fumes, the lingering stench of burning buildings and the scents of bomb seared flesh that forever will be engraved into my mind. This isn’t to say eighteenth century doesn’t have their share of foul odors, but the smell of open mountains and farm lands is so pure after being in a world of machinery.  
     The natural beauty of the Highlands takes my breath away every time I take pause to admire it. Now was one of those moments. Reflecting back even further to the life I left, the highlands was once a place for happiness for me—the small antiquated church where Frank and I marrie and the peacefulness of coming to Scotland where the wounds of WWII did not touch. The highlands were a haven from before and after the war. Now—Sighing with an easy unconscious smile—Now the Highlands were home.  
     “What’s put that smile on yer face, Claire? My brother perhaps?” Looking over at Jenny, I saw a sly smile on her lips before her hand brought an apple up to bite into.  
     “Mmmm… perhaps. He is an excellent source for causing smiles and happiness. This time though was more than only Jamie. I was thinking of how beautiful the day is today and how much this feels like home. I know I’ve never told you this before, and I’m not sure if Jamie has either; Growing up it was me and my Uncle Lamb. We traveled the world, never settling in one place long enough for me to consider my home.”  
Tilting my head back up to the sky, embracing the memories coursing through me. The adventurous days with Uncle Lamb, the feeling of lust then love with Frank, honeymoon and wedding in the highlands, the ever moving front lines during the war, back in the Highlands, betrayal, fear, love, home. “I may be from Oxfordshire, Jenny; However, I’ve only ever truly felt at home here.”  
     “What makes you say such a thing?”  
     “Well,” I paused.  
     What all does make me say that the Highlands is my home? Jamie makes up for most of my reasons. The feeling of safety, the feeling of being wanted and loved all stem from him. Feelings that now that I am experiencing them with Jamie, I have to wonder, did Frank ever love me? Would I have ever felt at home with him in Oxfordshire?  
     The time to dwell on such things had passed and I shouldn’t even be considering the ideas now, except, “I can’t recall a time where I longed to be home and knew where that was until now.” I continued, answering Jenny’s question. “I believe for the first time in my life, when I shut my eyes and picture home I can see a place. I see these sweeping hills, the farming lands, the round tower, and Jamie’s welcoming arms. I feel safe here, Jenny. For the first time, I don’t feel like a wanderer, someone lost at sea never settling or finding land.”  
     “I figured as much.” Jenny’s smile split her face beautifully exposing an innocence I never would have guessed was there. “I have never seen my brother so happy either, if ye were curious. The two of you seem to be drawn to each other and anchor each other to the present, for that I’m verra grateful for ye. He deserves a woman that can ground him, then send him to heaven in one look. You do that for him.”  
     Reaching out I engulfed Jenny’s hand in mine and squeezed. “I do love your brother very much. So much at times I feel so selfish! I never wish—“  
     “Wish him to leave your side. Aye, that’s how I feel with my Ian.”  
     “I’ve never felt this way before. Once, I thought I knew what love was and how it feels, but now… with Jamie… with these all-consuming emotions filling me with peace, happiness, calm and love. I have to wonder how I could have ever mistaken what I then knew to be love compared to what I know now of love?”  
     Squeezing my hand back and lacing my arm with her as we strolled ever closer to our loves, that she understood everything I had said, and everything I could not quite express.  
     As we crested the final hill before Lallybroch’s estate grounds I didn’t want to disturb the comfortable silence we had but I knew it was now or never to express the uneasiness I had felt while we were at the McNab’s.  
     “Jenny, can I tell you something?” Stopping, she turned to me and crossed her arms in a stance that looked as though she were bracing herself for the worst.  
     “Aye. Ye can. Speak yer piece.”  
     “I don’t trust the McNab’s. I know you’ve said on numerous occasions that not a soul would dare turn Jamie over, but something about that family sends a chill through me. I—I can’t explain it properly. Deep down something is wrong. The crass bold statement Ronald made when we arrived and as we were leaving only enhanced my feeling of wariness.”  
     Searching her eyes for even the slightest recognition of what I had witnessed turned out to be for nothing. Fraser’s, when they’ve set their mind to something, even if that something is to show impassiveness, is done with such finesse that I doubt even Ian could decipher what Jenny was feeling.  
     “Aye. Yer concerns are valid, Claire. Ronald McNab is not the smartest nor kindest of our tenants, but his family has been here since before my Da built Lallybroch. Even in all of his anger, I wouldna ken him to turn on his clan.”  
     “Maybe you’re right. Although, I still do not feel comfortable with them. Rabbie’s wounds were made from a belt, Ronald’s belt, if I had to guess. Both Robert and Grannie McNab seemed too at ease with the situation. I don’t like it, but I pray you are right.”  
     “Have your instincts ever lead you wrong before?” Jenny asked while stepping closer, assessing my reactions, my instincts.  
     “No. They haven’t, and right now my instincts are screaming that the McNab’s should not be trusted.”  
     “So what d’ye propose we do? Kick them off the lands? Raise their rent? Send the Watch to their door day and night?”  
     “We need to be vigilant! Keep an eye on them when we can. Perhaps the Watch is taking it a bit far, nor would I trust them to do as we bid. But we must do something! I don’t trust the feelings they give off, and I will not risk Jamie’s life for one tenant.” Nodding Jenny began to walk again, quicker than the leisurely pace we had before, back to Lallybroch.  
     “Keep up Claire. I’m sure Jamie, Ian and Murtagh will want to hear all about your observations and figure out a way to do as ye’ve suggested.”  
     Jogging to keep up with Jenny I began scanning the hills for the curly mop of fiery hair. My heart sank when I could not find it in the fields.  
     What I did see turned my blood to ice.There were about ten men near the Broch, one with Ian’s wooden leg and another the unmistakable scruffy sight of Murtagh and the remaining eight— “NO!” I heard along with feral screams through what sounded like water not even realizing I was the one screaming until a hand clamped over my mouth.  
     The hand was rough and callused from long days of farm labor or from swordplay. The stench of sweat, manure and sun-warmed flesh was assaulting my sinuses. I writhed in the iron grip of the man holding me and began screaming more earnestly, causing the hand to clamp down tighter. “Seas! Sassenach! Do ye want the Lobsterbacks to spot us?”  
     My body instantly sagged in relief and into the warm, solid, dirty body of Jamie.


	9. Don't Let Go

I wouldn’t let Jamie leave my sight after the close encounter with the Red Coats. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact he was all too happy to have me lean against his chest in one way or another—his arm around my shoulders with me turned in to lean on his side, or to have me lean back and rest on him, by head tucked neatly under his chin. I know the looks and the thoughts of those around us had to be judgmental, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. He was safe and that was all that mattered to me. 

“Sassenach?” Jamie whispered into my ear as we sat at the dinner table.

“Hmm?” 

“Thank-ye for caring so much.” I pulled away from his side and narrowed my gaze. 

“Did you think I didn’t care as much for you as you do for me? If that’s the case Jamie Fraser you have another thing coming to you! I love you, you, you foolish, insufferable, pig headed, careless Scot!” My breathing quickened and Jamie’s eyes were filled with mirth.

“Oh do ye now, Sassenach?” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bringing me flush to his chest again. I could feel myself slowly calm at his touch and level out to the rhythm of his heart. “Do ye realize that’s the first time you’ve told me that you love me?” He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me slightly tighter.

“I-I—” at a loss for words I let him drag me further into his lap and out of my chair. 

“Mo ghraidh, is breá liom tú níos mó ná a fhios agat.” I only understood the first part of what he said, even then my translation may have been off. 

“What did you just say?” I asked, nuzzling into his chest enjoying the rumbling vibration from his speech against my cheek. 

“Mmmm, well I said, My love I love you more than you know. And I mean every word of it, mo nighean donn. I have loved you since the day I helped free ye from that mad bastard and I’ll no stop loving you even after I take my last breath.”

I smiled and kissed his chest, melting into his warm embrace. I could not get over the fact this amazing man loved me. With everything we’ve been through and his sense that something isn’t quite normal with me, he still gives me all of him freely. 

“If you two are done acting like the dining room is yer personal chambers, I’d like to hear what happened with the McNab’s and I’m sure ye would like to hear why the lobster backs were on our lands today.” Murtagh grumbled from across the table, a smile evident in his voice. 

I went to pull away from Jamie, he wouldn’t allow it. He pulled me tighter too him and started to stroke from my shoulders to lower back in a soothing motion that was probably more to reassure or calm himself than me. 

“Aye, Jenny ye said that the McNab’s were no too kind to the two of ye?” 

“Och, they were kind enough to me alright, it’s your woman they were no so kind to. Ronald is going to be troublesome. We need to keep a watchful eye on him.”

“Sassenach, what did he do to ye?”  
 “He didn’t physically do anything to me.” Jamie gave me a pointed look. “He did threaten me and to an extent, you. Claims he knows me to be a witch and doesn’t respect any person who—” I took a breath and looked Jamie in the eyes. “Who would marry themselves off to a Sassenach whore.” 

I watched as the fury cut through Jamie’s eyes like ice. A once fathomless, warm and inviting blue now steeled over, ready for a fight. 

Hesitantly, I reached out and stroked his cheek. “Jenny stood up for me, us, your family. I still do not trust him or their family. It took everything in me not to scoop Rabbie up and bolt out the door. The man beats his child, Jamie. How could you beat an innocent child to the point of cracked ribs, broken arms, cuts and sores so badly inflamed I’ve had to be called out more than once in the last month to tend to them? Grannie McNab may seem strong and able but the looks she gave me today… It sent chills down my spine. I don’t trust them.”

Jamie squeezed my body tighter to him and looked from Murtagh to Ian. Only a subtle nod was exchanged between the three. 

“If what the lass says is true, Jamie ye’ll be needing to have a word with the McNab’s.”

“NO!” I screamed. “You can’t go, please promise me you will not go to their home.”

“Claire, I canna sit by and let the threats be as though it were idle talk. He threatened you by calling you a witch. Christ, do you ken what people would do if they thought you were a witch and brought a trial upon you?”

I shivered knowing exactly what would happen if I were tried as a witch. No one ever survived, guilty or innocent. I nodded but begged him not to go. 

“Lass, do ye ken what ye’re asking of the lad? It’s his duty as yer husband to protect ye. He canna do that by avoiding the problems. As Laird he has a right to go anywhere within his borders and handle a problem the way he sees fit. Being a Sassenach is one thing, a whore another, but to be accused as a witch and in turn bewitching a Laird to marry ye can be considered serious a crime in these parts.” Murtagh shook his head, “Ye have to let the lad stand by yer good name and put a stop to it before rumors begin and yer being burnt in the dooryard!”

“Murtagh’s right, Claire. I was able to stop them temporarily, but Jamie is the only one that can ensure your safety.”

I turned to Jamie, “Even if you were able to ensure his silence for the time being, I don’t trust him. He’d probably turn you over to the Red Coats just as fast as turning me over to the witch hunters.” He nodded but didn’t say anything, which did not ease my mind.

“Speaking of Red Coats,” Ian began. “They were here looking for you Jamie and Claire. Seems ye didna kill Captain Randall that day after all. He’s on a warpath lookin’ for the two of ye.”

My stomach formed an icy lead ball that burst and spread through my veins like fire. 

“We managed to convince the soldiers that were here that we had no seen ye since before last winter, hoping to keep them off yer trail. If what Claire and Jenny have said is true about Ronald McNab, we best pray they dinna venture o’re there, fore I believe Claire to be right—Ronald would turn both ye over if he thought it was in his best interest.”

Silence filled the room with an eerie dread settling overtop of us. We weren’t safe here with the McNab’s as unpredictable as they are, nor with Randall out for blood, no doubt. Where could we go? Do we stay and risk our family? 

“Jamie,” I whispered. “I have something to tell you.”

“Ye’re not trying to get rid of me or cancel our plans to be married are ye?”

“No, but you might when you’ve heard what I have to say.”

“Not now, mo nighean donn. Tonight, we’ll share a bed and ye can tell me in confidence. Besides, I dinna think I can let ye out of my sight any time soon.”

I nodded and slumped back onto his chest knowing this may be my last time doing so.


	10. I Was A Combat Nurse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double-Post today since on Tumblr I hit 331 followers!

Jamie led us up the stairs to the Laird’s room instead of the smaller guest room I had been staying in. I didn’t think he was serious when he said we would share a bed tonight. My hand was tightly woven with his, I hoped he didn’t notice how hard my hands were beginning to shake. Knowing what I was about to do, did nothing to calm my nerves, it increased them. I trusted Jamie more than anyone, but I was not sure how he would take the bomb I was about to unleash on his lap. 

Closing the door softly behind us Jamie went to release my hand. I whimpered and held fast to it, not willing to let him go.

“Ye need not be scairt of me tonight, Claire. I wasna about to do anything except loosen my clothes. If ye are uncomfortable with it, then I can sleep fully dressed.”

“Oh!” I said in surprise. “No, it’s alright. Please, make yourself comfortable. Do you wish for me to stay fully clothed or…?”

He smiled and his eyes were smoldering sending a pulsing sensation all through me. “I found ye in naught but yer shift and rode with ye for days cradled to my chest in it, I’ll be fine with ye in just that again. Besides, soon we are to be married and we’ll be in each other’s company in a lot…less soon enough.” His owlish wink made me giggle as he unceremoniously dropped his kilt to the floor.

Before I could move to begin undoing the laces of my skirt I felt Jamie’s hands at the small of my back fingering the laces.

“Is this alright?” He asked timidly. I nodded and took a shaky breath as he helped me out of my overskirt and began working on my corset. 

The fireplace became the only source of light as Jamie went around extinguishing the candles and closing the curtains against the cold shutting out the light of the moon. 

I wasn’t sure what would be proper for this evening, this was scandalous event now and it was more than scandalous in the 1940s. Allowing myself to not think I pulled back the covers to the immaculate bed and crawled in. Across the room Jamie stood by the fireplace, one arm resting on the mantel the other by his side as he gazed into the flames. 

“What is it ye wish to tell me, mo nighean donn?”

I extended my arm out to him and beckoned, “Come to bed and I’ll tell you. It’ll be easier with you beside me.”

His head turned to face me and a small smile split his face. Nodding he grabbed my hand and curled in behind me. I shuffled about to where I could face him. Oh, God, what if he can’t handle this? What if he rejects the idea of me not being a witch and turns me over himself? I can’t lose him! Oh dear Lord, I cannot lose this man. My heart will not take it. 

“Now, Sassenach, what is it ye wish to tell me?” 

Looking deep into his eyes, I saw nothing but love and concern. I took a steadying breath and allowed myself to relax to his sensuous strokes on my hand. 

“Do you trust me to be completely honest with you? That everything I’m about to tell you is the truth?”

“Of course, mo nighean donn.” He leaned forward and kissed the hand he was holding. “Anything ye wish to tell me I’ll ken ye are telling the truth.”

Releasing the breath I didn’t know I was holding I told him, everything…

“That day you found me with Captain Randall, I was lost in the woods, but more lost than you could imagine. I don’t know how I came to be there at that particular moment. Earlier that morning I had been in Inverness where my ex-husband and I were staying on holiday after the war.” Jamie’s eyebrows drew in causing a wrinkle to form. “It was right after the Great War of our time, WWII in May of 1945. Frank and I had been married seven years before, only in those years, six of them were spent apart. I was combat nurse with the British Army, Frank a Special Agent for British Intelligence. We went on the holiday as a way to reconnect.” Jamie’s jaw tightened and I could tell he wished to say something but he allowed me to continue uninterrupted.

“I caught him, Frank, with another woman in bed. He didn’t stop, or pause, just smirked and continued….” I blew out a burst of air through my nose and shook my head. “It doesn’t matter, he was confident enough in his actions that I knew this was not his first offense against me. I ran. I avoided the scene that was unfolding before my eyes and allowed my feet to carry me to wherever it may be. I stopped several miles away atop a hill outside the city. That was when I removed his ring, his claim to me. I found myself at strange henge called Craig Na Dun. There was… this sort of… buzzing sound. When I went to investigate farther I found myself sprawled out on the ground several feet away. I went to go find shelter and make my way back to Inverness when…”

“When you had the unfortunate chance of running into Captain Randall.” I winced. 

“Yes.” 

I studied Jamie’s face as he mulled over the story I just told and hoped he would be true to his word and believe me. 

“Jamie?” I reached out to touch his face but her jerked away, as though I had slapped him. 

“No, Claire. Dinna touch me just yet.” He made to get out of the bed but seemed to think better of it and sat up staring again deep into the flames that had begun to dwindle. 

“Why? Why would ye tell me such stories?”

“I wanted you to know the truth. Who I am, what you’d be risking yourself for if you decided to leave with me, who you would be marrying.” I looked down at my lap, preparing myself to leave and somehow find a way to safety the moment Jamie ordered me from his sight. 

“Are ye a Faerie then? An Auld One?”

“No, I don’t think so. I was born on October the 20th 1918 to two normal, as far as I know, normal parents. I’ve gone through adolescence, puberty and adulthood. I thought I knew love once, I’ve seen horrors no one should ever bear witness to, and I’ve seemed to have fallen through time. I can’t explain how it happened. It just…did.”

Jamie simply nodded. My heart sank. I expected the worst, but hoped for something different. 

“I’ll just see myself out. I’ll try to be out of your lands by midday. I can probably make it if I leave now.”

His head whipped to face me and his hands sought out mine, grasping them with such a fervor I was taken aback. 

“Leave? Mo nighean donn, why would you leave? I havena said ye should go, nor do I want ye to.”

“But…”

“No buts, I may not understand your story, though I did tell ye I’d believe whate’er you decided to share. I’m trying here Claire, ye say ye’re from another time… how did you expect me to react?”

I shrugged, “Well I expect either screaming and disbelief ordering me from this place, or quiet thought with you telling me to leave this place.”

He sighed and shook his head, red curls falling into his face. “Did ye no have any trust in me, Claire? Why jump to negative conclusions before I could think? Is that what ye want though? Do you not want me anymore? Are the McNab’s or the Red Coats too much for ye to handle and ye want to leave me?”

“No! God, no! I don’t want to leave! What I said at dinner was true, I love you James Fraser; more than I can possibly explain. Just the thought of leaving was tearing my heart out. I have loved you more in a minute than I ever loved Frank.” I gripped his face and this time he let me. “Please believe me! I told you this not to have you send me away, but for you to finally see why I am the way I am.”

Jamie leaned into my right hand and kissed the palm while cradling the other side with his own hand. “Mo nighean donn, I love you and that’s no going to change. Ye may have to tell me more about your time once I wrap part of my mind around it. To be honest with ye, Claire, I dinna think I’ll e’er be able to fully wrap my head around what ye’ve told me.”

“I don’t understand it myself.”

He pulled me to him and whispered in Gaelic words I had never heard before, but knew did not mean harm.

“So you still want to marry me?”

I chanced a glance up at his face to find it thrown back and a laugh bark out of him. 

“Aye, Sassenach, I still wish for us to be wed. Though, we do have new circumstances that may make a summer wedding more difficult.”

“The Red Coats.”

“Aye, and the McNab’s. I’ll trust your gut on this, Claire. But please trust mine. I do intend on going over there to have some words with Ronald.” I started to protest and he covered my lips with his finger. “I’ll have Murtagh with me, and perhaps Jenny since she was there the first time.”

I nodded, conceding, knowing I needed to pick my battles. 

Jamie adjusted us to where I was laying on his chest and he was stroking my back. The fire grew ever smaller, neither of us attempted to move to kindle it. We just enjoyed each other. For the first time I felt truly free. Jamie knew my past, and he didn’t turn me away. I smiled and nuzzled his chest, feeling the edges of sleep pull at my eyes. 

“Sassenach? You still awake?”

“Mmmph.”

“Sunday next, we could be married in the dooryard. It’ll no be big and fancy, but we’d be bound forever.”

I smiled even bigger. “Perfect.”


End file.
